Lonnie Knows Everything

It’s a story about a chicken on a secret mission for the CIA to take out a rogue groundhog named agent “bob” that is threatening the nation’s supply of pickled eggs.

This chicken is not your average every day run of the mill secret agent poultry either, this is a Kung Fu action star better known as Kluck Lee.. His trademark move is called “The Chicken Wing… of death”

Agent “bob” is evil, but he’s also a professional ballet dancer who dables in candle making and quilting. Oh sure, he’s crafty but he is also diabolical and has a strong aversion for pickled eggs.

Expect lots of explosions, powerful dance scenes that put “Foot Loose” to shame, and an underdog story that doesn’t even feature a dog!

Stay Tuned!

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“Whyerhead” is an old friend of mine from way back, so when I read the consumerist article, I just HAD to ask ..  I first asked him if it was near his house, the conversation went like this

whyerhead: no.. north carolina..

whyerhead: me and another consumerist user tracked them down through a combination of google, google maps, and their own stupidity.

Me: like a youtube username?

whyerhead: yep!

whyerhead: a friend that had linked to her profile, googled the friend, tracked her down through myyearbook, and was able to determine landmarks from a video and google street view maps

whyerhead: dominos chief of security wasnt even able to figure it out.. but.. dominos offered us some rather nice swag for taking care of business.

SO .. if you’re ever in North Carolina … you might wanna go for Pizza Hut instead .. jk .. I’m sure that location will be on top of things, for a while at least… if you’d like to check out the original consumerist article .. go for it, it contains the videos in question!  YES I know I didn’t reveal the exact store ..  I figured that’d probably be best, but you’re armed with the tools to find that on your own ..  The “how” has been revealed..

Incoming search terms:

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Anonymous writes,

Why do I do what I do so much?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Because you like to do what you do and that’s why you do it even though you’ve done it before… and you will continue to do so until you can’t do what you like to do anymore.

Oracle

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Anonymous writes,

how old will I be?

Oracle’s answer,

You will be one year older than you currently are.

Furthermore, you will eventually be 3 years older than you currently are, assuming you’re not dropped from a tall building or struck by a fast moving wheel of cheese.

Note: By the time you’ve read this, you will be about 8 seconds older than you were before you began reading, and this note added just about 3 more seconds.

Anonymous writes,

Which never changes, truth or fact?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

My god man! do you think I can honestly tell you that? the world would crumble into dust.

Some things are not meant to be known.. like the true contents of a hot dog, or the actual formula for spam.

Oracle