Lonnie Knows Everything

Anonymous writes,

Why do I do what I do so much?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Because you like to do what you do and that’s why you do it even though you’ve done it before… and you will continue to do so until you can’t do what you like to do anymore.

Oracle

Anonymous writes,

how old will I be?

Oracle’s answer,

You will be one year older than you currently are.

Furthermore, you will eventually be 3 years older than you currently are, assuming you’re not dropped from a tall building or struck by a fast moving wheel of cheese.

Note: By the time you’ve read this, you will be about 8 seconds older than you were before you began reading, and this note added just about 3 more seconds.

Anonymous writes,

Which never changes, truth or fact?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

My god man! do you think I can honestly tell you that? the world would crumble into dust.

Some things are not meant to be known.. like the true contents of a hot dog, or the actual formula for spam.

Oracle

Anonymous writes,

Am I pregnant ?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Yes.. but it will be an adorable little alien baby, the father is from planet E47, just north of the milky way.

He apologizes for the quickness of your encounter, it was only meant to be a quick anal probe but ended up being a quick but romantic evening, he thanks you for the wine and the wonderful goat cheese dip.. oh and sorry about that nasty stain on the ceiling.

Oracle

Anonymous writes,

If you were cheese, what kind would you be and why?

Oracle’s answer,

Dear anonymous,

I have given this much thought while sitting on my thought enhancing chair device (AKA toilet).

It seems that there is only one logical answer to this question! but alas, I have not yet determined what it is.

Tonight I will purchase many burritos and spend a few more hours on my thought enhancer and see if any logical conclusions come to mind.

Thanks for asking!