Lonnie Knows Everything » Ask the Oracle http://blog.oneduality.com So you don't have to! Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:37:27 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Why do I do what I do so much? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:02:49 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=308 Anonymous writes,

Why do I do what I do so much?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Because you like to do what you do and that’s why you do it even though you’ve done it before… and you will continue to do so until you can’t do what you like to do anymore.

Oracle

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/feed/ 0 How old will I be? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:57:55 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=305 Anonymous writes,

how old will I be?

Oracle’s answer,

You will be one year older than you currently are.

Furthermore, you will eventually be 3 years older than you currently are, assuming you’re not dropped from a tall building or struck by a fast moving wheel of cheese.

Note: By the time you’ve read this, you will be about 8 seconds older than you were before you began reading, and this note added just about 3 more seconds.

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/feed/ 0 Which never changes, truth or fact? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:53:53 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=302 Anonymous writes,

Which never changes, truth or fact?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

My god man! do you think I can honestly tell you that? the world would crumble into dust.

Some things are not meant to be known.. like the true contents of a hot dog, or the actual formula for spam.

Oracle

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/feed/ 0 Am I pregnant ? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:52:35 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=300 Anonymous writes,

Am I pregnant ?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Yes.. but it will be an adorable little alien baby, the father is from planet E47, just north of the milky way.

He apologizes for the quickness of your encounter, it was only meant to be a quick anal probe but ended up being a quick but romantic evening, he thanks you for the wine and the wonderful goat cheese dip.. oh and sorry about that nasty stain on the ceiling.

Oracle

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/feed/ 0 If you were cheese, what kind would you be and why? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:50:06 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=296 Anonymous writes,

If you were cheese, what kind would you be and why?

Oracle’s answer,

Dear anonymous,

I have given this much thought while sitting on my thought enhancing chair device (AKA toilet).

It seems that there is only one logical answer to this question! but alas, I have not yet determined what it is.

Tonight I will purchase many burritos and spend a few more hours on my thought enhancer and see if any logical conclusions come to mind.

Thanks for asking!

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/feed/ 0 Does the spoon exist? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:49:00 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=294 Anonymous writes,

Does the spoon exist?

Oracle’s answer,

There is no spoon! it is not the spoon that bends, only yourself!

Ok I lied, there is a spoon, I just used it to eat my cornflakes, I was going to tell you but I wanted to wash it first.

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/feed/ 0 Is Andreas the one??? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:47:42 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=292 Anonymous writes,

I asked a fortune teller if Andreas is the right guy for me and he said yes…(sure hope it´s correct) But I would like to hear you´re answer too…Is Andreas the one???

Oracle’s answer,

Well it was supposed to be hank but the doctor talked your parents out of it.

They were heart broken, but decided that Andreas would be better.. either that or bubba joe.

So you have to decide for yourself Andreas, hank or bubba joe!

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/feed/ 0 Why do some guys hit on married women? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-some-guys-hit-on-married-women/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-some-guys-hit-on-married-women/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:45:04 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=289 Anonymous writes,

Why do some guys hit on married women?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

We’re sorry, Dear Abby is on vacation but we expect her back very soon. In the meantime we suggest cranking up the radio and listening to the relaxing sounds of a Saxaphone. If you do not have a radio, please visit your nearest elevator. Also, try to avoid operating heavy machinery while under the influence of Kenny G.

PS. If you’re female, what’s your sign? and are you busy this Friday?

Oracle.

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-some-guys-hit-on-married-women/feed/ 0 Which came first? the chicken or the egg? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:41:28 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=286 Anonymous writes,

which came first? the chicken or the egg?

Oracle’s answer,

The rooster that knocked up the chicken, the chicken is still seeking child support after all of these years.

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg/feed/ 0 Twitter me this Batman! http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/03/26/twitter-me-this-batman/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/03/26/twitter-me-this-batman/#comments Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:38:09 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=260 As if it wasn’t amazing enough that I have this web presence in order to enlighten the masses, now you can also track my daily happenings on twitter.  I would seriously suggest following me, simply because you never know what you might learn.  When my brain begins, the nuggets of wisdom flow like wine.. and cheese…  who doesn’t love rivers of wine and cheese? more than this in a future article.

Twitter with me my children .. https://twitter.com/lonnieknows

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/03/26/twitter-me-this-batman/feed/ 0