Lonnie Knows Everything

Anonymous writes,

Does the spoon exist?

Oracle’s answer,

There is no spoon! it is not the spoon that bends, only yourself!

Ok I lied, there is a spoon, I just used it to eat my cornflakes, I was going to tell you but I wanted to wash it first.

Anonymous writes,

I asked a fortune teller if Andreas is the right guy for me and he said yes…(sure hope it´s correct) But I would like to hear you´re answer too…Is Andreas the one???

Oracle’s answer,

Well it was supposed to be hank but the doctor talked your parents out of it.

They were heart broken, but decided that Andreas would be better.. either that or bubba joe.

So you have to decide for yourself Andreas, hank or bubba joe!

Anonymous writes,

Why do some guys hit on married women?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

We’re sorry, Dear Abby is on vacation but we expect her back very soon. In the meantime we suggest cranking up the radio and listening to the relaxing sounds of a Saxaphone. If you do not have a radio, please visit your nearest elevator. Also, try to avoid operating heavy machinery while under the influence of Kenny G.

PS. If you’re female, what’s your sign? and are you busy this Friday?

Oracle.

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Anonymous writes,

which came first? the chicken or the egg?

Oracle’s answer,

The rooster that knocked up the chicken, the chicken is still seeking child support after all of these years.

As if it wasn’t amazing enough that I have this web presence in order to enlighten the masses, now you can also track my daily happenings on twitter.  I would seriously suggest following me, simply because you never know what you might learn.  When my brain begins, the nuggets of wisdom flow like wine.. and cheese…  who doesn’t love rivers of wine and cheese? more than this in a future article.

Twitter with me my children .. https://twitter.com/lonnieknows