Lonnie Knows Everything » Humor http://blog.oneduality.com So you don't have to! Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:37:27 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Here’s my brilliant idea for an action film.. Covert CIA chickens and a rogue groundhog http://blog.oneduality.com/2010/09/23/heres-my-brilliant-idea-for-an-action-film-covert-cia-chickens-and-a-rogue-groundhog/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2010/09/23/heres-my-brilliant-idea-for-an-action-film-covert-cia-chickens-and-a-rogue-groundhog/#comments Thu, 23 Sep 2010 19:26:45 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=1139 It’s a story about a chicken on a secret mission for the CIA to take out a rogue groundhog named agent “bob” that is threatening the nation’s supply of pickled eggs.

This chicken is not your average every day run of the mill secret agent poultry either, this is a Kung Fu action star better known as Kluck Lee.. His trademark move is called “The Chicken Wing… of death”

Agent “bob” is evil, but he’s also a professional ballet dancer who dables in candle making and quilting. Oh sure, he’s crafty but he is also diabolical and has a strong aversion for pickled eggs.

Expect lots of explosions, powerful dance scenes that put “Foot Loose” to shame, and an underdog story that doesn’t even feature a dog!

Stay Tuned!

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2010/09/23/heres-my-brilliant-idea-for-an-action-film-covert-cia-chickens-and-a-rogue-groundhog/feed/ 0 Dominos Pranksters Finally Caught, Location Revealed as Being in North Carolina http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/14/dominos-pranksters-finally-caught-location-revealed-as-being-in-north-carolina/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/14/dominos-pranksters-finally-caught-location-revealed-as-being-in-north-carolina/#comments Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:53:43 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=320 “Whyerhead” is an old friend of mine from way back, so when I read the consumerist article, I just HAD to ask ..  I first asked him if it was near his house, the conversation went like this

whyerhead: no.. north carolina..

whyerhead: me and another consumerist user tracked them down through a combination of google, google maps, and their own stupidity.

Me: like a youtube username?

whyerhead: yep!

whyerhead: a friend that had linked to her profile, googled the friend, tracked her down through myyearbook, and was able to determine landmarks from a video and google street view maps

whyerhead: dominos chief of security wasnt even able to figure it out.. but.. dominos offered us some rather nice swag for taking care of business.

SO .. if you’re ever in North Carolina … you might wanna go for Pizza Hut instead .. jk .. I’m sure that location will be on top of things, for a while at least… if you’d like to check out the original consumerist article .. go for it, it contains the videos in question!  YES I know I didn’t reveal the exact store ..  I figured that’d probably be best, but you’re armed with the tools to find that on your own ..  The “how” has been revealed..

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/14/dominos-pranksters-finally-caught-location-revealed-as-being-in-north-carolina/feed/ 0 Why do I do what I do so much? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:02:49 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=308 Anonymous writes,

Why do I do what I do so much?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Because you like to do what you do and that’s why you do it even though you’ve done it before… and you will continue to do so until you can’t do what you like to do anymore.

Oracle

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-i-do-what-i-do-so-much/feed/ 0 How old will I be? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:57:55 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=305 Anonymous writes,

how old will I be?

Oracle’s answer,

You will be one year older than you currently are.

Furthermore, you will eventually be 3 years older than you currently are, assuming you’re not dropped from a tall building or struck by a fast moving wheel of cheese.

Note: By the time you’ve read this, you will be about 8 seconds older than you were before you began reading, and this note added just about 3 more seconds.

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/how-old-will-i-be/feed/ 0 Which never changes, truth or fact? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:53:53 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=302 Anonymous writes,

Which never changes, truth or fact?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

My god man! do you think I can honestly tell you that? the world would crumble into dust.

Some things are not meant to be known.. like the true contents of a hot dog, or the actual formula for spam.

Oracle

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/which-never-changes-truth-or-fact/feed/ 0 Am I pregnant ? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:52:35 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=300 Anonymous writes,

Am I pregnant ?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

Yes.. but it will be an adorable little alien baby, the father is from planet E47, just north of the milky way.

He apologizes for the quickness of your encounter, it was only meant to be a quick anal probe but ended up being a quick but romantic evening, he thanks you for the wine and the wonderful goat cheese dip.. oh and sorry about that nasty stain on the ceiling.

Oracle

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/am-i-pregnant/feed/ 0 If you were cheese, what kind would you be and why? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:50:06 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=296 Anonymous writes,

If you were cheese, what kind would you be and why?

Oracle’s answer,

Dear anonymous,

I have given this much thought while sitting on my thought enhancing chair device (AKA toilet).

It seems that there is only one logical answer to this question! but alas, I have not yet determined what it is.

Tonight I will purchase many burritos and spend a few more hours on my thought enhancer and see if any logical conclusions come to mind.

Thanks for asking!

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]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/if-you-were-cheese-what-kind-would-you-be-and-why/feed/ 0 Does the spoon exist? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:49:00 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=294 Anonymous writes,

Does the spoon exist?

Oracle’s answer,

There is no spoon! it is not the spoon that bends, only yourself!

Ok I lied, there is a spoon, I just used it to eat my cornflakes, I was going to tell you but I wanted to wash it first.

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/does-the-spoon-exist/feed/ 0 Is Andreas the one??? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:47:42 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=292 Anonymous writes,

I asked a fortune teller if Andreas is the right guy for me and he said yes…(sure hope it´s correct) But I would like to hear you´re answer too…Is Andreas the one???

Oracle’s answer,

Well it was supposed to be hank but the doctor talked your parents out of it.

They were heart broken, but decided that Andreas would be better.. either that or bubba joe.

So you have to decide for yourself Andreas, hank or bubba joe!

]]> http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/is-andreas-the-one/feed/ 0 Why do some guys hit on married women? http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-some-guys-hit-on-married-women/ http://blog.oneduality.com/2009/04/09/why-do-some-guys-hit-on-married-women/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:45:04 +0000 Lonnie http://blog.oneduality.com/?p=289 Anonymous writes,

Why do some guys hit on married women?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

We’re sorry, Dear Abby is on vacation but we expect her back very soon. In the meantime we suggest cranking up the radio and listening to the relaxing sounds of a Saxaphone. If you do not have a radio, please visit your nearest elevator. Also, try to avoid operating heavy machinery while under the influence of Kenny G.

PS. If you’re female, what’s your sign? and are you busy this Friday?

Oracle.

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