Lonnie Knows Everything

Anonymous writes,

Why are men retarded?

Oracle’s answer,

Anonymous,

It is a well known fact that Men are extremely intelligent, but there are a few reasons why they appear to be a few bytes short of a packet.

Women typically have a very low IQ and therefore do not understand the genius spewing from the mouths of men.

Men also struggle to use words that others may understand without having to have a dictionary, because they have to take this step backwards, things may not come accross as intended.

A perfect example of this taking place is our own ex Vice President’s mispelling of the word potato, rather than using “Solanum tuberosum”, he was forced to attempt to spell out the alternative form in a way that others could understand. Because Mr. Quayle is so used to operating on a higher plane, he was unable to function properly on a lower plane and therefore mispelled it.

I hope this is all clear, unless ofcourse you’re a female, in that case just go do the dishes.

Oracle

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heezy writes,

How tall is TOO tall?

Oracle’s answer,

Heezy,

Here are a few signs that you might be just a little too tall.

1. You remind people of a scene from Godzilla.
2. You need a seperate bed for your feet.
3. You have to bend down to walk through a door.
4. Ceiling fans frighten you.
5. The jet stream always messes up your hair.
6. Kites never seem to fly above your waistline.
7. Your old shoes double as homeless shelters.

Throughout history men and women alike have pondered this question. Wars of been waged, lives have been lost and still nobody has found the answer, that is, untill now ..

Hold on to your seats ladies and gentlemen .. The source of all life is beef gravy .. think about that for a moment, I mean really think about it! it’s the only logical substance that has enough power, and let’s be honest, rich creamy goodness, to create life on this planet.

Do you think you could create life with say.. ketchup? or syrup? .. ofcourse not, don’t be silly.. rich, creamy coagulated meat juices .. that is the key!

By now I’m sure at least some of you have heard about Microsoft’s new app called Songsmith, the idea behind this application is actually pretty interesting. Essentually, you sing along to a beat that is played in Songsmith, and once you’ve finished singing the program will generate the music for you!

The Songsmith software analyzes your voice and it automatically creates music that fits your tone changes and pauses, it really sounds nifty doesn’t it?

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